Sunday, December 5, 2010

Life's Incomprehensible Race

Dear Blog,

Every time I stand before the line under the vigilant eyes of the people who at once wished me success and failure, a lone thought runs through my mind: "Be the first one to pass the baton. Run, Fred, run." However, I do feel pressure, though not from the speculating crowd. It emanates from a deep-seated personal desire to be in the lead. Or rather, a strong aversion to giving chase.

Truth is, weariness claimed me a very long time ago, yet it was this exhaustion that my love for running and pushing things forward as fast as I can paradoxically thrived on. At times, I feel like a victim of fate’s injustice. It seems that I was predestined to run harder than others in life’s race, in which I am mandated for a slower start in everything. I feel like I have been chasing the shadow of an unfairly premeditated lead all my life—there are gaps everywhere to close.Then perhaps, it is this distaste that impels me to take starting stretches in all relays I run, because I treasure the control I wield over each race’s outset and my ability to impart a lead to the team.

I consider myself an anomaly in the American society. In view of this nation’s exigently individualistic type of society, those at the top either possess natural fortune by being born in a super wealthy family, or phenomenal willpower and diligence. These attributes have strong positive correlations with success in this Uncle Sam’s land. I do not reckon I lack intelligence. However, I smell an unfavorably skewed correlation factor in my case—there is a perceptible difference in my life with a hypothetical other of similar cerebral capability and diligence. It is never easy narrowing these disparities. There are some gaps which can never be closed.

I perceive the world to be in balance. There is always equilibrium in everything. Good and bad exists together. Look closer, and at least some good always juxtaposes even the nastiest things: the many disadvantaged beginnings have cultivated the indomitable fighting spirit and great confidence in conquering challenges. Resilience to accepting inferiority becomes my most reliable attribute as I’m working on my dream. I have always felt that apart from the passion I had for my dreams and an innate aspiration to excel, the simple close-the-gap mentality is the next greatest urging force behind my hard work in Science and Medicine so that, eventually, I not only become part of American Health Care Professionals, but also graduated as one of U.S. top scholars (hopefully, though!).

In fact, now I see my life as a continual search for new challenges, which would represent new beginnings. New experiences that change the way I think and act delight me because I’m an addict of Science and Medicine. They make me feel alive and keep me energized all the time. Indeed, I favor the affixed risks of every new change because I feel they make my life much more exhilarating.

I started out life’s race resentful of my disadvantaged circumstances, but now I value them greatly. Being aware of my shortcomings and working to eliminate them has made me learn about myself and crucially shaped my character. I have further realized that it is not the start of the race, but how the race is run, that will eventually determine the fashion in which it ends.